There are some simple, if cliched, truths that one is repeated throughout one's life. We all think: nah, that doesn't apply to me, or that can't possibly be true! But the reality is that if they just seem to be stereotypes or platitudes, there must be some truth to them. I've personally tried to see the truth behind the cliche' in many cases, but very often, I get back right to where I started from.
A case in point is this: no matter how much men may say that they like women to be proactive, to make the first move, to chase after them, to court them, it is simply not true! They still live in the time of the caves when they had to hit a woman over the head and drag her by the hair. Yes, they still like doing the chasing, they like being in control of the courtship because, let's face it, they are no longer in control of anything else (nearly)! So, when I am told by a guy who clearly fancies me and who's taken me out a couple of times that he'll call me, when he doesn't I ask myself why, and as a result would also like to resolve the situation and move on. I decided to just leave the guy in question, S., be. I have lost patience with men who don't know what they want. So imagine my surprise when, nearly two months on, he contacted me again as if nothing's happened! And it's actually the second man in a matter of days to "come back" from the recycle bin of relationships. Go figure!
So, I've learned that waiting and not making a move often pays, at least for us women. I don't think it works the other way round. So now, I'm going to use it fully to my advantage, and play hard to get. It's just that we have to stoop to their level, you know? ;)
Love to all,
S
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
Friday, 8 February 2008
Virus
No, this is not a post about STI's or safe sex.
The virus I wish to write about is one that is sweeping through my friends, my acquaintances, my entire generation. It's a virus whose main symptom is the break up of long standing relationships, and the subsequent "shit in your pants" fear gripping all survivors at the prospect of another relationship.
I started noticing this at around the same time that my 8-year relationship was spectacularly imploding (there were fireworks). One after the other, years-long relationships were crumbling down.
I don't know if it's because of the timing that I have been noticing this, or if there IS an actual increase in these break-ups, but I suspect the latter. And I believe that it's because of the dreaded T H R E E - O. It's a big milestone and, especially for women, it's a time when you question yourself about where you are going, what you are doing, and whether you should be going and doing with the person that is next to you. Sadly, most of the time the answer is: no, you shouldn't. When the idea, the concept, of starting a family, of getting married, is suddenly upon us, so close we can actually smell it, the chips are down and there's no more time for fucking around. Hard decisions are needed, and decisive action.
That is how I, and many others, have found ourselves single again at 30. Thank god we haven't had kids or things would just be harder. Some of us have since found love again, some have gone from one relationship to another, restless, unable to grasp what it is we want or simply in the market for the right thing (as we have become much more conscious buyers). Others still have retreated into militant singledom, shunning any idea of a relationship, of sharing, still getting cold sweats when people talk about toothbrushes, loo seats left up, meeting the in-laws or simply about cohabiting in the same space. I am probably one of the latter people, with a sprinkling of relationship thrown in. That is why I have now sought the help of a professional therapist, to get to the bottom of some issues and get past the disastrous break-up.
Now that I think about it, not a single one of these "early life crisis" break-ups has been amicable or on the easy end of the scale. We all know that break-ups are difficult no matter what, but there is a huge range of "difficult" to get through. And most, if not all, of these, have been really harsh break-ups, and I think this is partly what is scaring so many of us off.
I am envious of people who have remained frineds with their exes. I haven't been able to do that with even one of my exes, although the latest "victim" might turn out to be a friend yet, we'll see. But having said this, it's not that I've particularly ever wanted to remain friends; it still could be an interesting experiment.
The upside is that we are all getting used again to being alone, and that's no bad thing. As they say in my country "It's better to be alone than with bad company".
I can't tell you how much I am enjoying the fact that everything in my flat is always in exactly the same spot where I left it, and that I can plan every minute of every single day exactly as I see fit :)
Onwards and upwards....
S
The virus I wish to write about is one that is sweeping through my friends, my acquaintances, my entire generation. It's a virus whose main symptom is the break up of long standing relationships, and the subsequent "shit in your pants" fear gripping all survivors at the prospect of another relationship.
I started noticing this at around the same time that my 8-year relationship was spectacularly imploding (there were fireworks). One after the other, years-long relationships were crumbling down.
I don't know if it's because of the timing that I have been noticing this, or if there IS an actual increase in these break-ups, but I suspect the latter. And I believe that it's because of the dreaded T H R E E - O. It's a big milestone and, especially for women, it's a time when you question yourself about where you are going, what you are doing, and whether you should be going and doing with the person that is next to you. Sadly, most of the time the answer is: no, you shouldn't. When the idea, the concept, of starting a family, of getting married, is suddenly upon us, so close we can actually smell it, the chips are down and there's no more time for fucking around. Hard decisions are needed, and decisive action.
That is how I, and many others, have found ourselves single again at 30. Thank god we haven't had kids or things would just be harder. Some of us have since found love again, some have gone from one relationship to another, restless, unable to grasp what it is we want or simply in the market for the right thing (as we have become much more conscious buyers). Others still have retreated into militant singledom, shunning any idea of a relationship, of sharing, still getting cold sweats when people talk about toothbrushes, loo seats left up, meeting the in-laws or simply about cohabiting in the same space. I am probably one of the latter people, with a sprinkling of relationship thrown in. That is why I have now sought the help of a professional therapist, to get to the bottom of some issues and get past the disastrous break-up.
Now that I think about it, not a single one of these "early life crisis" break-ups has been amicable or on the easy end of the scale. We all know that break-ups are difficult no matter what, but there is a huge range of "difficult" to get through. And most, if not all, of these, have been really harsh break-ups, and I think this is partly what is scaring so many of us off.
I am envious of people who have remained frineds with their exes. I haven't been able to do that with even one of my exes, although the latest "victim" might turn out to be a friend yet, we'll see. But having said this, it's not that I've particularly ever wanted to remain friends; it still could be an interesting experiment.
The upside is that we are all getting used again to being alone, and that's no bad thing. As they say in my country "It's better to be alone than with bad company".
I can't tell you how much I am enjoying the fact that everything in my flat is always in exactly the same spot where I left it, and that I can plan every minute of every single day exactly as I see fit :)
Onwards and upwards....
S
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