All in good time

Take a night at a party on a beautiful terrace, you don't know most people there, you've brought a couple of female friends along who are hoping to meet some interesting people (i.e.men); you've invited the guy you're sorta dating, he comes over, doesn't really fit in with the party (well, really, neither do you but, hell, you get along with anyone) but really gets on with your friends, who give you the thumbs up.

Take an after-party night when plastic cup after plastic cup of red wine and sangria you take a romantic walk in one of the oldest districts of the city. You stop for a bite to eat, then sit with the bloke by a beautiful fountain and exchange a passionate and longed-for kiss. He asks what you want to do next. You whisper back that maybe the both of you should get back to his place.

Take a night in the flat of this guy you're sort of dating. You both really fancy each other, really want each other. But he can't do it. He just can't.

Take a morning when he finally can.

Take a day that you spend together doing just normal stuff, listening to music, doing some food shopping, cooking and eating, walking the dog.

Take an evening when, you wearing one of his borrowed T-shirts, he takes you to a concert that you wanted to see. It's magical, great music, you have a couple of beers. Then he tells you that he's just got a text message from her, she wants to talk - and inside you wonder: does she want to get back together? Does he? He opens up a little, things become clearer. And it hurts a little bit, but nowhere near as much as it would have done to your past self.

And this is uplifting. You've made no plans, have no expectations. You're spending time with someone you find pleasurable, interesting, intriguing. No mind-fucks, don't need them.

Take all of this and you'll find that you've matured, changed beyond what you ever thought possible. And in the midst of this whole tangled mess you can still feel the whole of yourself, and know with a certainty that borders on the insane that you'll be fine, that you are what's important and that whatever happens time keeps moving forward, things keep happening. That it doesn't matter what he'll do, how long it will take him to get over her (cause he will) and whether he'll want you when he does. It doesn't matter. There is a whole world out there, of good and bad, of happy and sad, and you need a little of both. And you'll have it. All in good time.

Sentimentally yours,

Sassy

Weak at the knees

After some searching, some dead ends, I've managed to run into someone special. I'll call him L.

I don't know how special yet, I've yet to grade him. :).
Suffice to say that as we kissed in his car just a few minutes ago my knees would have given under me, had I not already been sitting down. And he gives me butterflies... isn't that great? Isn't that what we're always looking for, always chasing? I think so, our blessing and our curse..........

Also, I can say the whole movie just went by me, as I spent the 90 minutes just happy to be sitting next to him, feeling his energy. And those who know me well will know what a feat it is to pull my attention away from a screen!

There are potentially millions of questions, but I've decided that I won't approach any of them. I won't entertain them. For the first time in my life I'm going to follow what I've been preaching: we'll see where it goes. Without dramas, without anxiety and expectations, without desires and wishes apart from being happy and content in the moment, that moment you're living right now. Nothing else should come into it, as nothing else really matters.

Bye peeps, will let you know as and when things develop...

Lots of love,

S.